December 20, 2010
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So look,
as I sit down to light this cigarette, I think about all kinds of things. But right now the only thing that’s on my mind is her. Ironic, because this is my fault, I keep messing this up. I honestly don’t know why either, because when I’m actually with her, there’s no where else I’d rather be. But, when I’m with my boys? I’m a whole different person. Why? No clue. Did she really mean anything? No. It’s just…. I’ve never done this, I don’t know how to do this. Fuck, why? I keep typing sentences and deleting them. I keep listening to the same song. I keep getting the same feeling. I really don’t know what I’m trying to say. I just have this feeling that you have so much to say, yet you say so little. I know you think it’s for the best, that I’m happier that way. And honestly? I was. But if we never treat eachother like we’re actually in a relationship, then there really will never be one. I know you feel a million times worse than I do, that I caused this, and that I don’t really deserve you. Who knows. Maybe you really don’t care like they said and maybe I’m just blowing this out of proportion. But, I know that if I feel this bad for doing it, you’ve got to feel ten times worse for having it happen to you. I guess I just need to know if you’re done, or if…… or if you really want to try and make this work; I’m trying, I just need a little help.
Ab Imo Pectore,
Derf Sllew
